Sink!

I've been keeping myself busy. Mainly just all of those who are finally back for their hols. Miss them lots. That's one reason why I love year ends. Christmas was a rush, like the whole of this year. Carolling with boyz was good fun. Bugis with Siti today. Fun badges and Audrey Hepburn overloaded. Hahahaha.
Looks can be deceiving. I feel bad. Subconsciously superficially judging people. Bad bad bad.

Happy New Year everyone. (:
It is time for change.

Minoz.

Night of wonders(exaggeratedly of course) with a really handsome guy. Hehe.
You're the best, T.

Why is guarding your heart so hard?

I remember that time I spelt guard wrongly and den scolded the lights outta me. Hahaahhahaa. Thanks. (: My spelling improved loads after you jumped into my life.

HE'S BACK.

I know this might look a bit lame. But I love it. Samuel drew it for me. And I pleated his hair. (:
CHURCH CAMP WAS REALLY SUPER GOOD SPIRITUALLY AWAKENING kind of an experience. Slept half an hour last night, played with the boys. All the girls were tired, so I stayed up. Just played cards and talked lots of nonsense(i learnt lotsa boy lingo) then at about 6am we all couldn't go on anymore. So just took one corner of the couch to lepak. See I'm using malay already! Managed to make the guys watch Coffee Prince with me till 2. They were hooked, even James. Parent's Night was the hilarious. BOY MOOOOOSE and dancing to ai bu pa. I wish I could have more of these sort of fun days. I mean, I really really really learnt a lot. About people, mostly. And myself. Christmas is like NEXT WEEK?!?!?!?!?! I want to spend the rest of 2009 in the best possible way. Till sooner or later I'll see you, my avid readers or random passers-by. (: Kidding. I'm no celebrity. Grace asked me to go jogging with her. HAHAHAHAA. I mean. Wow.

"Why are you always so unnaturally nice to me?"

About 10 hours later

"I'm not going to answer that question."
"What question?!?!???!"

About 2 hours later

"Oooh that question. I don't want to know the answer."

And then I just had to delete it. I hate it when you get too damn close to me.

I'm going to let my eye bags touch the floor.

THANK YOU, WEISZE.

Remember, you made this for me?

Meet me at the Equinox.

Omg. Hi. Okay. Life is good now. (:

At least I have things to do, you know, moving around and getting exhausted, wiped out completely.

New Moon-ed with HL. That show is gross, and so is Taylor Lautner. They have no potential to enunciate their words, and have no future in acting other than staring intensely at the camera.
Utterly disappointed, I honestly had much higher hopes. I know someone would be happy to hear this. (: Paige, i'm on YOUR side. Hahahahaa.

So, thursday met up with Rachel(finally!) after such a long time. Went to sake sushi and stuffed ourselves silly. Had un-eaten rice so we put it in empty pea pods and under plates for fear that they would charge us for wasting food. By the way, Yoshi's Esprit is $0.99 cheaper than Sake's. HAHAHA. R was sad for her loss. Later went to CSS to swim. Went running around like idiots in our wet swim suits, shivering because of the strong winds. Taught her how to swim. HAHA.

Friday went back to Yoshi's (i know i already quit) but it was Cez's last day so I decided to go back. I mean, I just call to say I'm coming, and then yes okay sure! My boss rockz. Had some encounter with a Chinese boy, but let's leave it for another time. (: Went to Vivo after, Danielle, Michelle and Gerrie. Hung around, shopped here and there. Took a train to Buangkok. Obviously we got lost. I will always be an (upper) east sider. Kidding about the upper! My legs were killing me then, wanted to chop them off. Try standing up from 9am, no rest, and greeting customers irashaimase(welcome in jap) for seven hours straight. Finally found auntie choowu's place. Had lots of mee siam and chicken wings. Okay this is getting so boring. Bonded alot, sharing stories and all that typical interrogation kinda thing. Rushed home at midnight, just in time, to catch Coffee Prince. Hehe. After that, GG marathon till 3.

Woke up at 7.30 today to meet Yan sing. Had to treat her to Ya kun cause I got my pay already. Hahahahaa. She's great at relating to me though she's like 30 already. I'm group leader for church camp(kudos to sis). And OGL for the sec one's next year. Wish me luck. All that leadership thing is not really my thing but it'll probably be tons of fun fun fun. (:

You know I always end posts with some random act cheem not cheem sentences that don't make sense, at least not to you of course. Well here I am, doing it again.

I hope you're worth it.

We had so much fun doing the TKGS wave, flashing bits of skin and others(haha) when we lifted our skirts.

Silly.

Definitely one-sided.
It's incomparable.
One of those fml moments, though I personally dislike that abbreviation.

Jarring my thoughts with your expressions.

As you said it.

Downtown east, escape theme park with Fiona, WS and Ash. Went to haunted house twice, viking once, rest of the rides at least thrice. Viking was the worst, though I sat in the middle. Was feeling mighty strong and obstinate, but suffered later. Dizzy spells and vomiting. Go-cart was fun, though I came in last for both times. Hahahaha. Haunted house scared the shit out of me, I was screaming like a chicken. The second time A and I got lost. I was like cursing so loudly, stupid skeletons and guy in the electric chair. Ran all the way out, then collapsed on the floor in hysteria. WS had all these discounts for almost everything, so we even got our neoprints free. If not I would never taken neoprints, not in a long long time.

Wednesday was Orchard with Geraldine. She's finaaally back! She's changed so much, with her new crisp aussie accent. I am envious. She's got prom coming up, this huge formal event, with limos and even helicopters(!!!). Singapore school system sucks. Even the teachers, lacklustre and bored.

I am beginning to find myself trying to let time hurry, waste away because I can't stand doing nothing and letting my thoughts run. It's like, I fear l... Ugh. Whatever. Every day is the same like the previous, no different than the next. 'Nyway, I hope Christmas will do me good. Then I can start the new year wonderfully, and make it the best one. Hehe. That sounds good. Stay happy and beautiful everyone. (:

My heart melted, it actually melted, when they hugged. Omg I love this show shut up I don't care if you don't because I do. Re-runs are always better. Makes me happy. Hahahahaha.

It's draining, but I don't doubt for a minute why I absolutely lovelovelove my job.

My super deeJAY! You make me feel so un self-conscious again.

Well I ran from work to meet these two very wonderful ladies. Had a sharing session on the bed, sick jokes from them, typically, then starbucks till pretty late. When WS(the other one) laughs, it cracks me up. And I didn't know she was from HK!!

The appraisal process.

Hello. I love my job! Except it's so draining and my legs ache badly after work. Everyone takes care of me super well though. During lunch I get the large bowl, extra beef, extra vege, extra rice, extra sauce. Hehe. And I don't have to be in the kitchen. I'm not trainee anymore. Hahhaahh. Got my new name tag today.
GG marathon, THANK YOU PAIGE!!! It's so clear I can see Serena's pimples. (:
Sunday, Vivo-ed with pH 1. Acidic pei hua. Worst joke ever. I love shopping!! Yesterday went to Orchard with Tat, bought a ton of nice nice clothes and what else. Mum opened my own bank account so now I can withdraw whenever. A little bit more freedom.
Pictures up not so soon, my weary legs need their sleep.

I was going to ask what happened to us, but I think it's understood.

This song is so unbelievably catchy.

Blue as the sky, sun burnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in a bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

I surrender.

Take it higher!

I am tired.
But it's fun.
(:

My salary for a month used to be my mum's salary for a day. Died.

Put your records on.

Today a grown man with his car, stalked me for about the distance of fifty houses.

Disgusting.

I am looking forward to:
-Bringing Hwee gek out for Love Happens
-Elisabeth wearing a dress and heels
-My new job!!
-ACS carnival
-Shopping with Huiling
-Bonding with squad 57 (hahahaha doesn't that sound a little strange!)

I got hired.
At last.
Except, it's a little embarrassing to publicize it here. No, I'm not a prostitute. I'll earn about $150/ week. Sounds good, doesn't it. (:
I have concluded also that all the people that I went for interviews are cheaters. I was super confident they'd hire me, they were smiling and laughing, come on. And they just leave me hanging. Vic is having mild depression. Hahahaha. Everything With Fries woman cheated our feelings.

You think you're loving, but you don't love me. Baby, you hurt me.

Why do all good things come to an end? :(

So on wednesday, went with Ash, WS(as in, Wai sze, not Wei sze! (: ) and F to Red Cross House. They actually thought I wasn't coming cause I had originally planned to go to Stef's house. When I went to meet them, F got damn pissed because she didn't know me, and they didn't tell her I was coming. She threw this huge tantrum, refused to even talk to any of us, and cried. By that time I was super furious, so I was spouting vulgarities because I thought she was bleedy immature.

"F yooou, f you bitch!"

All the way, in her face some more. After that I realised she was misunderstood. She apologised to me even. Even drew this Minnie Mouse card with a "Sorry!" on it.

Felt super bad so gave her a hug, and apologised.

:)

And now we're practically like best friends. Well, almost. Hahahaha. Isn't it so cool?

Went to Stef's house after pizza hut at PS, then we watched Fringe and Sky High, Groom My Room(they actually groomed her brother's room!), then had this super awesome dinner. Roasted lamb and wine. Her dad insisted that I should have some. Then, being the alcoholic I am(kidding), I finished it so quick. Her grandma was like !!!!. Hahahahahaa. I <3 her family!!! (: Compared to my dysfunctional one. Had B&Js, chatted with her brothers. Couldn't stay over cause mum was being !@#$%^&* so was forced to go home. I'm so going back there again. And her dad knows Tony Buzan. The mind-mapping guy. I didn't believe him, till he showed me all the pictures. Super. (:

Me and bro spoofed Heart Of Worship for mum's birthday. Hahahaha. Even got hokkien inside, credits to my brother of course.

I can't believe the holidays are here, at last. I've waited the whole year for this. This year's been the fastest, seriously. And it's going to be Christmas!! I love Christmas. Everyone's real happy and joyous, and it's the day when my sister PMS-es the least, she goes all nice and everything. Hahahaha. Ah. Can't wait.

Therefore I will boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, I am strong.

Just shut up.

Can't wait to go out with Huiling/(maybe) sleepover at Stef's. My mind needs a rest from this.

Talk to the hand.

Now I see how distance does make the heart grow fonder, but when there's no distance anymore, there's nothing.

Happy fifteen to Den and Tat Huey, both of you are the sunshine in the rain. I mean it. (:

One more stupid week to the holidays, I really really really can't wait.

And for once, tpc was actually fun. Hahahahaha.

You're so lame you need a walking stick.

Me Eh they're meeting us at Shaw House.
Ash Whose house?

HAHAHAHHHAAHAH.

WS Good looking people can't act!
Me So are you trying to say I can't act?

I don't usually say such egoistic things, but I really couldn't resist.

I like you for all the wrong reasons.

Talk about the Christmas spirit hitting me early. It was too bad you didn't come to school today.
Archery was fun.
I got one bulls eye, 10 points. But missed the rest of it. Naive is super, shall bring Vaish there next time. We were practically screaming "Yes, the fake beef, fake beef!" countless of times. Hahahahaa. What the heck am I going to wear for the Halloween party?! Oh, and this is super overdue, but THANK YOU E FOR YOUR OSIM SHIRT WHICH DOESN'T SMELL NICE ANYMORE BECAUSE OF MY HOME SOAP. Wash it for again me! I'm kidding. Hurry back you idiot, it's getting pretty lonely taking bus rides by myself.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Gloom doom zoom boom.

If I'm the cause for her to be taken away, because of a moment of folly on my part,
then, what do I do?

Start me over.

I was lying when people asked me how's life, and I tell them it's great because boring is good.
It's not fucking good.
I'm sick of just reflecting on the past, because I have no present to think about.

Kyomomoyama.

So.

The restaurant is taking ages to call me back. I think they're not going to hire me! :(
Results, are mediocre. Failed Geog. Hahahhaahhaa. Really beginning to like tll, yesterday we had to pretend we were in court, having a lawsuit. It was so super. I wish I was the lawyer. Last rc training today, I'm really beginning to love my cca. Archery enrichment on Monday, bazaar on Sunday at Royal Thai Embassy.

Read through letters from 2/3 classmates a few nights ago, and I miss the whole atmosphere of being in that class. I've forgotten how I hated to move on, because I think I already have.

My haircut is such a joke, wait till you see my fringe. It's nicely concealed with a clip.

I'm definitely getting used to colourless.

It takes a thought to makes a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad to make it satisfaction

I don't have a need to need you, or a need to want you,
But I just can't live without you.

You smell like Christmas.

Caught two movies in a day with lots of in-between laughs and silly nonsense. Can't find that Charlyn Yi song on google. Quirky movies are definitely nice once in a while. Guacamoles unite. See ya'll tomorrow and I really hope I haven't changed too much. Like this we'll never get to go back to where we were. Getting all emo-y now. Sheesh. Goodnight everyone.

Electricity and melancholy.

Why do we like to let people slip through our fingers? And we don't even put up a fight to get them back.

I saw you even before got up the escalator, that's why I turned away. I don't want to be reminded of my mistake when I look at you, it's like neon signs glaring right straight at me. One of us turns away to pretend something between us never existed. Because, being friends, don't work.

That's why.

Yeah okay fine you do have nice songs.

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything

Fragility.

I don't know what are the right things to do.

There's so much I'd like to say to you, but sometimes not saying makes it all the better.

Can't seem to be at ease around people anymore.

Happy birthday, it was great having you around with me while it lasted. But now it's just plain awkward and it ended badly, I don't know how.
I hope all your wishes come true and you'll find out that love is protecting the people, or person, you love.

Chocolate has no effect on me.

I have found the perfect place to study.

Stayed up till 1+ am playing/screaming with gao yi fan and brother. Those two boys are crazy.

If phases aren't meant to last, tell me why this one ain't ending yet.

El Shaddai.

Brother's china dude who came yesterday sleeps bottomless. Was pretty disturbing when he walked around the house at night without pants. Anyway, it's great because the family's driving all around Singapore to get the best of Singapore's food. Shiok to the max.

I can't seem to give a hoot (a pathetic substitute for another much preferred word) about you. Because it's you, not me.

Bring on the pms.

"Let your heart have it's way today. You have to let your emotional side take control every now and then in order to get back on track. It is time to tell someone how you feel."

Horoscopes just always make sense. Somehow.

So, I got two signs. When I asked for three.
Now what is that supposed to mean?

/

School's a messy fun. Literally, at my table. Told Miss yang it was conducive.

Rain, rain, rain.

I'd bet everyone had that feeling of anxiety waiting for that one sms, constantly checking your phone only to be disappointed.

Well hurry up idiot, text me already!

The best one.

I want my miracle.

Played amateur football with bro, then stained my fingers purple making the crystal mix we bought from the Science Centre about four years back. Slept while doing Mole. Almost finishing sis's box of Ferrero Rocher's.

Take me away, take me away, I've got nothing left to say,
Just take me away.

I've never actually had a proper conversation with you before. Maybe I should start one, soon. Call you up, surprise you. Yeah, I can't get drunk while trying to study for final-year's can I.

Doing things I'll never do. I'd like that.

I have songs to listen to before I sleep now!!! Yay! (:

I am hyper at night. This is so cool.

Say goodnight, our first goodbye, I've only got forever and forever is fine.

Rainy nights mean many frogs in the kitchen. :D

Impossible.

From now on, I'm going to ask God for help.

WS and den. I know I'm not replying both of your smses. So I'll make it public here. You all are best friends. It'll be stupid to let love come between you both. No one's going to be second best, and trust me, two of you are inseparable. If I can't come between you two, who else can? (: Kidding. Friends are Forever, Men are Whatever. I know your friendship is way stronger than this, so please, please, I will just box both of your faces if you start fighting terribly or something. I know you'll can work it out.

My head's so heavy.

I'm so glad I got to know you. Though you might deem me insignificant.

Down, down, down.

I love the weekend.

Wednesday-

Went to macs to eat and play Bridge. For four hours non-stop. Hahahahahhaa. We were screaming and shouting and hanky-pankying so loudly. Like high-class gamblers. Can't remember much, 'cept I'm still bad. Vic probably hates being my partner. I lost 2 to 12. Anyway, barely made into the club so now that I'm in I'll let tat improve too. I won't forget you lah. (: Lied to my mum, said I had red cross meeting till 6.

Thursday-

Took E's car to Mount E. and waited for the two. Her dad asked for my name in chinese characters and then the nurses and everybody started calling me ET as in the alien. What the heck. Never going back there again. (: The receptionists made some lame joke about yawning at ion. I laughed and laughed. Hahaaha, was freaking funny to see Rach get her x-ray done and the splint thingy she'll wear. And saw how they made retainers. Walked around Paragon, treated stupid E to starbucks. Went to Taka, ate mos. Lied to my mum, said I had extended math supplementary. Took a car lift for the first time in my life. Haha. Two catholic high idiots from tll stalked me after class. Cowards, didn't dare to talk to me in the end. One looks like a rabbit, the other looks like snake. (:

Friday-

Bonded, AT LAST, with WS. Pepper lunch at Parkway and Koi. Lied to mum, said I had a target setting cum motivational talk in the hall till late. Lied to mum again, at home. Told her I needed to go to E's house to return her chem tb. Went there to watch Blonde Ambition. Like 5 minutes only. Hahahhaa. Then ran home because her house is at the other end of Kembagan. Like an hour later, cycled back to her house again. Watched White Chicks while doing amath. Both of them think I'm super dumb now cause I took ages to understand their teaching. Did 3 questions. Cycled back at top speed(almost banged into a dog, owner glared at me) and now I'm home alone.

Why am I lying to my mum so often now?!?!??!??!?! UGH. I am such a hypocrite.

Paige I'll bring the damn picture. Chill. (:

Need to Study. This sentence is like an over-played song that stops registering into your head after its on repeat for too long.

11.30pm-1.30am- Why Why Love! PS, den if you remember. Mike He is acting. Hehe. He got double chin now but the show still rocks.

Number four.

HAPPY SUPER ONE HUNDRED BELATED FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY VAISH. Our friendship is one year short of a decade baby. (: I miss you so much and I got you a present. Have fun while you're young. Really. (: Love ya.

I thought I saw a light in you.

heaven on earth.

I am glad to be back at school though half the time our heads are on the table. I love getting letters. It's like I get exclusive access to someone else's thoughts, it's great like that.
Yesterday's Transformers cum Youth Rally was good. I feel so guilty because i'm so stagnant in my relationship with God. I want to feel empowered like I did in camp Orion four years back. I want my faith to grow, the only sort of peace I can't get from anyone else but him. I need to change.

And I keep telling myself that but my obstinate and lazy self refuses to do anything.

There's a storm up ahead.

Well, I thought I could ignore you to make myself feel better. But now you're the one doing the ignoring so this is fucked up and I need sleep because I'm grumpy and I'll piss everybody's head off till they throw me out of the house.

-

"Pour me water."

This is a new confession. You lazy bitch, I've been doing what you wanted for so long now. And yeah I know people love your sunshine personality compared to my bland one, but obviously they haven't seen you the way I have. I know things go your way, you make them go your way, whatever. Some role model. Guess what? I grew up myself, and learned vengeance the way you taught me to.

You're not worth the energy.

/

Beth you shouldn't tag me with such a good note that I keep thinking about it and even blog about it. Hahahahahaha.

BEAT YOU UP.

If you can read it.

Love Lockdown.

The holidays are ending.

Sometimes you leave because you really want to stay.

When I say jump.

Well, we're just barely a few metres away.

Wen came over after tat left, though I badly wanted to study. "We'll study together!" has never worked on anybody. So we took out our combined collection, huge mind you, of nail polish, glitter, the works. She painted my last two fingers, scarred for life after that. HHAHAHHAA. Professional my head. Created a codeword, BS. No, it isn't bullshit. Went to the roof, to wrestle. Like on the roof. Got bored, did a prank joke. Felt so bad. She went home at 8. Thanks for New Moon and Subway cookies. :)

Studying Chinese now. With two dictionaries. I don't even know how to write basic words. This is awful.

Rekindle.
Is it?
Hit me.

YOU R THE LOVE!
Thanks for today. Hahahaha.

My soul mate is lightning.

Thunder.

Let's paint our nails neon pink, electric blue with purple hues.

Apples are my form of remedy.

Alcohol Butterfly.

I having a real bad headache, lack of sleep with two movies back to back. This is really late/outdated, but I love Slumdog Millionaire. It's the almost best movie ever. Went to WS's house, her mum kept feeding us(more specifically me) food. In my house we eat vegetables. Hahahha. Had a good time, picking out clothes, strumming her electric.

Just feels so fucking nothing.

" There was one night, just a normal guy.
And then there I was the next night...
Goddamnit, I was still just a normal guy."

- Hero-type

/

Divya, if you're reading this. Please. Just...it's up to you. I could just go on, it's been three months anyway, a lifetime of ignorance won't make a difference right? Well it does, look at my bestfriend when I was 10. Immature fights, petty and hurtful words. I still see her now, often. But I can't even look at her. You want that?

Materialize.

Bought a mood ring yesterday. Tried to test it out by rubbing it to see if the temperature would affect the mood. It didn't even change colour. So I put it in the fridge. It turned black. HHAHAHHA and black isn't even a colour for any mood. Maybe it's heart-beat sensitive. What the heck. Anyway went to Swensons with the $80 voucher we won from memory verse competition. Thank goodness this time the boys didn't eat all the ice-cream by themselves.
The house feels empty with half of the family gone. I need to exercise. And find my orange pick.
The only mediocrely exciting thing tomorrow is crashing WS's house to cry over movies, eat Macs for breakfast and make pizza with Joyce for dinner. Ugh.

Tat-
HEY MONKAYYY. :) I know you'll see this. Haha.

Feels like a Tuesday morning.

5 days with only sis around. Parents didn't trust me with my illegal antics so they're making my aunt come check on us whenever she can. Horrible.

Can anybody go shopping with me?! >:(

My knee is hurting like walau ouch to the power of 10. That sounded so lame. Woke up at 5am to send them off to the airport when I slept at one watching 1, watching Why Why Love. I was sleeping all over the airport, at every place we walked to. Hahaha.

I think all the juniors hate me, especially d.

September hols are here. Tell me why I still don't feel excited. Maybe cause it's bloody 8am now and nothing can sink in.

Desmond.

So waited for hours for tash to get to the east of Singapore, went back to hgs, only to be swarmed by giant groups of the junior batches. Talked to Mrs Lim, she's freaking skinny still. Hahaha. Later met the other girls at ion. Ate and talked, walked to far east. We acted like P6-ers. Gosh. Sat down below the escalator, talked somemore, mostly about canteen nuggets/ jia's ex-bestfriends. After that bloody walked to Plaza Sing. Legs were hurting badly with stupid guitar. Today was so immature, what with lame jokes on high. Loved it nonetheless. Think I've never laughed so much, with a full bladder, and tash's empty stomach. HAHAHAHA.
Shall never wear two ponytails ever. YUCK.


I know I'm not a hopeless case.

Mona lisa smile.

Parents and brother will be out of town, at least for a good 5 days. Meanwhile, had good fun in the hot sun at WS's church, captain's ball with various vegetables, cabbage was the best on the list, also chicken which I didn't get to try. Dinner afterwards, watched Amelie probably for the 4th time. With Zhen Yang. Laughed at many nude scenes, was totally not awkward. Hahahahhaa. Can't wait for tomorrow, hopefully go back to hgs, then chill and ambush at dion's house, order pizza and watch some G-rated movie.

When the heck will I be able to see you?! It's like you've disappeared on me.

I have started beliving in horoscopes.

I never meant to start a war.

Absolute.

Spent the friday waiting for audition results, didn't get in. Probably because we screwed up and hardly practised. Then went for rc, had little gossiping sessions, "Ma'am Ting Ting", one of the juniors wrote on her GK paper. Bloody funny, scolded the juniors and read out all the GK papers with rubbish answers.

I'm going on a study spree. Somehow today's almost two period long lecture has gotten into me, and yes, I do want to do this for myself, not anyone else.

Run around and scream,
Yes I thought I knew you,
Yes I really did,
But now I know better,
Better than I ever did.

Bitch!

:)

THERE GOES MY HERO-

I DIDN'T KNOW IT'LL FEEL LIKE THIS.

Thanks for being there.

It's been ages since I've logged on.
Emmaunuelle was right when she said that the only way you could be happy was if people around you were all happy.
I can't make unhappy people happy, anyway. Not really.
Other than so-not-there teachers' day performance audition and scaring people with my peeling fingers, tat and rach's extremely cheena peformance at the esplanade with paige and bitchy boys beside us, finding out girls act fake half the time, I think I just need to sleep. I wanna do car wash 'cept what happened to the crew?!

Something,
Something from my heart.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH-

I know this is so belated and I didn't give you a present so I feel really obliged.
We're not bestfriends close, but I can really talk to you and make fun of you, with Sathrin and her constant taunting of you being bi/les. You're an interesting girl, so don't hurt so much. We understand each other, don't we. (: I know you'll find love, I just know it. No matter how many times you say you hate them. Get a facebook account girl, and go out with me sometime. Yes, I'll get you Mind games. Keep spinning that yellow cabbage thing, and keep making the ram smell its ass. <3

I could use somebody.

Yesterday LEGACY project with eay(hehe), sathrin, julia and yu ann. BLOODY FUN! Mdm Khoo gave us trophies to clean from a secret cupboard somewhere along the first floor. Had a hundred(literally) trophies, some won 20 years ago, ancient antiques and glass bits, dead lizard. Sorted everything out by CCA, (softball and RED CROSS the most!) then slowly wiped and cleaned everyone. Discovered glass cabbages and terracotta warriors, ram with a detachable head and body, URNS(group favourite), and many many dusty pictures and weird prizes. Took the whole afternoon, packing, rearranging, laughing, videoing ("My juniors say that I'm in their heart...when they're bored!") talking and playing with the ram. Kissed anne in the red cross room(hahaahahaa, inside joke) and elizabeth wheeled me down the ramp and around the canteen. Had to go off early, but heard that after I left they tried stealing the urns to sell on ebay. Mdm Khoo caught them, found one urn hidden in the toilet! HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We should totally do this more often, digging up the past of TKGS. Haha.

;

What am I supposed to do?

Saw you that morning, with your uniform now and looking far away. As I sat there, watched you get on bus 25 without looking back. With each year, we're further apart. I could live like this, you could too.

;

I'm sorry. Really fucking sorry. Though I'm not sure whose fault it was.
My life has so many mistakes to amend, re-do, forgive, take back those words and pretend.
What's the use. I think I'm just scared. I always am.

;

Something 'bout the look in your eyes, something 'bout your beautiful face.

Mother bitch.

Drama floor anthem with a vulgar title.
Beth, awesome job, you rock! Drama was wonderful. Crazy pictures after, parkway macs till 11.

So why don't I, make one more wrong turn tonight?

Today after National Day celebration, camwhored around everywhere, my hair was soaking in sweat. Peihua said my face was shining. :( Hahaha. Took a photo(actually many photos, but one particular one) with Amanda and we were standing really close, arms around each other, then-

"Oh shit, why am I touching your ass?!!??!"

Didn't realise, but when I did, I couldn't stop laughing. HAHAHAAHAHHA. Went to MOS, a whole big group of us who ordered milk tea with lots of milk. Shall order that everytime I go there from now. Rocks.

I love you, if I can convey this heart to you
I love you, if you teach that heart
I'll become like it in every way
Love you, love you, love you, forever

Forget the sappy lyrics, it's my favourite song.

This is home.

WE WON FIRST EVERYBODY!!! (:

I know it was hardly my effort, and the guitars could couldn't be heard. Nonetheless, shall dedicate here. Haha.
Faustina, Amandas and Sam, awesome singers, would have never won without you four. Faizah, you rock as our drummer. And Emmanuelle, at home quarantined, get well soon okay. We won this for you! Thank you 4/3 for helping us quite a bit, and the other contestants for wishing us good luck and congratulating us. AND LASTLY, THANK YOU MISS NG YOU ARE THE BESTEST BEST. Thanks for helping us every recess and after school, opening the music rooms and teaching me to strum properly, and gossiping with us. Thanks Amira (I'm sorry if it's the wrong spelling!), always supporting us even though I hardly know you. Sorry if I scared you when I hugged you! HAHA.

Good job everyone! (:

P.S. Our prize was ferrero rocher chocolates, famous amos cookies and potato chips. No comment. Hahaha.

'Cause I know you will always be a part of me.

Happy birthday Weisze!

So this is eight days belated. It was intentional. Okay fine it wasn't. (:
Remember the first few months of sec one days where we exchanged shoes for a day, labelled each other with permanent makers, letter books and all of that? Three years later we're pretty much still stuck this way, in a good way of course. Thanks for believing, supporting, lame joke-ing, caring, forgiving. Hope you'll find that prince in his shining armor soon, with that happy ever after. Love you bbf.

P.S. I know you love the pencil case. (: That's why I was in art club for a reason. HAHAHA.

Chilli cha cha.

Haven't blogged in ages. Today's performance during assembly sucked, I hated it. I forgot half my chords, the amp was screwed, Faizah dropped her drumstick, Amanda dropped her pick, she took mine and half-way playing without it my finger bled and the guitar bloody. The strings were stained. I was like, "oh my fuck", and continued playing. So freak it, we'll do better tomorrow. (:
Miss Eng loves my guitar. Haahaha. I think all of us were so nervous lah.

Why can't I ever get the courage to do things I want to do?

Epik.

I am going to study my eyes out this week!

Yesterday in the mrt my gastric started working up again. Fucking awful lah. I was like, trembling or something, alighted at city hall and went to the toilet. The queue was had like 45 people, I was about to cry. I didn't. Went to the basement toilet, had six people. Probably stayed in the toilet for an hour. I think pain is my worst fear. Be it emotional or physical.

I need more time. For everything. I don't want to waste my life and end up never doing things I've always wanted to.

Tat huey and Andria asked me to flirt with the china girl in class. HAAHHAHA. Sorry I let you both down. I think 3/2 is the most touchy-feely class ever. I shouldn't get influenced. (:

Why the heck is everyone reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid?! Sathrin you pangsehed me. Elizabeth also. Anyone wants to read it, I have the first two. It's my brother's. No, I'm not lying. Haha.

We don't even know what we're fighting for.

What happened to the Guacamoles?

Today got paid $5 for this girl, (I think her name's Namreena) to do standing broad jump for. Hehe. It's quite funny 'cause she's not even chinese, and I got away with it! The teacher seemed so heck-care because she said she wanted to pee after my turn. After that went to bubbletea shop with Paige, Rach, Karen and later Theresa. Haven't been there in ages lah. MY SHOULDER IS FUCKING PAINFUL I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT'S AWFUL! >:0 Shit.

Our forever?

Likewise.

I used Sathrin's phone to take this. Haha, I think Aqilah drew it.

Sold my Irresistable Apple Bath&Body Works to Rachel and she went around distributing it to the whole class. Hahaha. Gave her discount also. :(

Went with Peihua to Bishan to go on an eating binge spree, first oyster mee sua and XXL chicken, next mee pok, then strawberry ice shavings dessert thing with strawberries, afterwards Toastbox with butter-sugar and pork floss toasts with two cups of tea.

We were sitting down at Toastbox and Peihua was complaining she wanted two soft-boiled eggs, she's never eaten it before. I refused and asked her to look at the guy beside us who was eating soft-boiled eggs. Three seconds later I realised who that guy was. Guess who.

Michael Jackson!

Kidding, of course not. Hahaha. Shaun Chen, that mediacorp artiste who just got married to Michelle Chia. Peihua didn't know who he was because she doesn't support local productions. We made such a huge racket, he kept glancing at us. Peihua whispered damn loudly to me somemore, (we know how she is! (: ) and she wanted to type on my phone, "Can I have your autograph?" and pass my phone to him. Too bad he walked away. He seemed sad/lonely so maybe his marriage has problems.

Today went to Ajisen with WS, got interrupted abruptly and had to do an errand. You un-fearless girl. Don't hit me for saying that. Haha. Went to library to do nothing, had an accident with my milk tea, resulted with my hair gettin slightly wet. I love scaring the pigeons in the open field at Marine Parade there.

"Cheap thrillllll lah you."

I think my skin have peeled like ten layers off and there's holes on my fingers. I don't think Den will ever take the guitar like this.

You know sometimes when she's talking to you, or saying she's sorry and you're hearing, not listening because you've already stopped believing in her a long time ago. You've heard the same words she's using, whatever faith you had, or hope that maybe she'll stop disappointing like this is gone, cut off. You manage a polite, hurt smile and see her walk off without saying anything you feel about her. She doesn't understand.

Miss Eng said something about the middle child being sensitive. I agree to a large extent.

Do you know what it feels like, loving someone, who's in the rush to throw you away?
Do you know what it feels like, to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

Twenty-one guns.

And I'm alright
Standing in the streetlights here
Is this meant for me
My time on the outside is over
We don't know how you're spending
all of your days
Knowing that love isn't here
You see the pictures
But you don't know their names
Cause love isn't here

And I can't do this by myself
All of these problems, they're all in your head
And I can't be somebody else
You took something perfect
And painted it red

Subway lunch with Sathrin. I'm really begining to like Subway!
Makes you feel like you're not consuming junk.
Couldn't get over the "HEY MONKEY!" thing me and Tat huey
was laughing over non-stop.
It's one of those jokes that never grow old.
Amath was surprisingly okay, but no high hopes involved. Later I
fail then I'll have to keep my mouth shut.
Hehe.

/

Who's the bitch now?

/

Love isn't here.

/

My life is so boring.

This used to be a funhouse.

But now it's full of evil clowns.

I didn't realise it'll feel this good after letting go of someone completely.
I wasn't that hard, was it?

Cold turkey.

Went out yesterday with Paige, Rach and Tat Huey to homeclub flea @ Clarke Quay. I seriously thought Rachel would know the way, but she didn't! Got lost and wandered about like idiots, got quite attracted to the cooking show going on at Central. So after walking for days and nights, we managed to find it. Bought two identical necklaces, got cheated off the first one, Paige bought the second for me( I OWE YOU ONE BABE!) and went around saying "PEIHUA!" or "AMANDA!". Then shamelessly camwhored with geek spectacles and cyclops looking sunglasses in front of the stall owners. Had to leave early and go for dinner with dad's secondary three classmates. It was darn funny. They took out their class photo in sec 3 and talked about themselves then. Found out my dad was the geeky one whom everyone copied their amath homework from. HAHA. He looks super pai kia/bad boy in his class photo. Quite cool. (: Ate a lot, talked to some 21 year-old guy with a cool accent.

One of the guys there works in the laundry business in San Francisco, and he told me a joke which I can't get over. My dad didn't get it. Everyone teased him after that.

"When people ask me what I work as, I tell them it's a secret."
"Huh, why?"
" I do Victoria's Secret."

HAHAHAHAHAHAH DAMN FUNNY LAH! I forgot what the actual words were but I was laughing like shit. Bet like everyone doesn't get it and don't think it's funny but it it's the coolest joke.

Someone buy me the PCD album!!! The very first one. I know the songs are pretty mindless and empty but I love it and lost my old CD. >:( The songs are way better than their newest album.

Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.
Nobody gonna take me higher
I must stick with you.
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you, my baby.
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you.

I didn't say half the things I wanted to.

I think my new favourite dessert is creme brulee.
Got lost yesterday from Annabella's house and ended at Vivo. Probably the heavens telling me to shop. I obeyed it, of course.
Today woke up with my right eye red and about 1/5 the size of my left eye.
Couldn't possibly go to school looking slightly deformed so faked the pain and went back to sleep.

It's like a war going on.

Helloooo everyone! (: Friday had a bomb of a time. Went to Ruthie's house to do CAC to think of taglines for our poster. We were doing on the hole in the ozone layer, so we came out with stuff like, " Behold, the hole", "Holey Moley", "In my world, holes don't exist in the ozone", "Do Michael Jackson proud- Heal the World". In the end, settled for, "Sewing is In", as in, sewing up the ozone layer. Was so proud of ourselves. HAHA. Then went for guitar class, was supposed to rush for WS's and Den's musical but mum lost the way like five times I was damn annoyed after that. Hahaha. Arrived at the church like seven minutes before the end. Still, it was fun. Good job, super proud of both of you! (: Though I didn't see anything. Haha.

Breakfast with Alex Nathan and Steph, haven't seen them in two years. They're cool with their american accents!
I should have never switched my oral time with Julia. Her register number is three. Haven't had English orals since PSLE.

I do want my love story.

Haven't had such a raining evening like today's. My fingers are peeling because of the guitar. It's became so hard. Haha, man fingers! And it's only my left hand.

I tend to fuck up way too often, who cares about regrets now?

Does it feel good to you, to rain on my parade?

One day I'll wake up and realise that I should have never cared for you.
And I think that day was today.

Today at Burger King-

Collided straight, total body contact with some guy.
Found out he was assistant manager.

Sathrin realised her burger was only 6 inches when it stated in the advert it was supposed to be 7 inches.

"1 inch is a lot."

So, we both went to the counter and gently complained. The counter woman called the assistant manager. He didn't look too happy. (I don't know if it was because I smashed into him or it was because we wanted a new burger.)

" It is seven inches."
" It's not. We measured." (We did actually, with a ruler.)

In the end they gave us a complimentary meal, upsized fries and Sprite.

"It's a good day today."

Rushed home to do Geog slides/ worksheet but haven't even completed it yet, and it's way past the dateline of 5 pm. Jenny Lim will obviously minus our marks. Damnit.

Today found out in class that so many others like Junpyo. Min-ho fans unite! (:

It doesn't actually hurt.

Pop Princess.

I used to be happier. I can't remember. I think someday I will laugh about when I was 15.
I have nothing to distract myself with now, great.

School.
Believe me or not, I can't wait.

Pop princess I need you now, so baby turn your love up loud.

Sneaked into I love you, Man yesterday with my sister's IC. I am jailed at home with my dysfunctional brother, have to do chinese and draft up a timetable for the term. I swear I'm going to end up more nun-ish by the hour. Lee Min-ho will have to wait.

it's magic.

Love can be so overrated sometimes. Is love supposed to feel a certain way, not another? The heart is such a stubborn thing, mine insists to hold on to what's left. Last night, after weeks of long overdue feelings left alone, along with all the what-ifs, maybes and half-hopes, I've decided you're a good memory. But it's time to walk away. I know I'm the idiot for fucking up, but what's the use now? And at the same time I can't just switch back, delete the ugly parts I want to forget and move on with the rest of the world.
I can't.
Why do humans feel? Humans have emotions.
I can't help myself, call me pathetic. What the fuck with "I'm strong" and ruling the world. I can't even rule my own head, or my own heart.
And I thought I wasn't the kind who thought too much.

In other words-

Before the worst, before we mend,
Before our hearts decide it's time for us to love again,
Before too late, before too long,
Let's try to take it back
Before it all went wrong.

Hello everyone, just came back from M'ysia. (: It was good to escape for awhile, learnt how to play mahjong, and won my first round of the game(won plastic coins). Went to some remote village-y island with hundreds of mud skippers. Shared a room with bunk beds with all the cousins, got the hang of being a baby-sitter, watched seven episodes of BOF consecutively in the hotel toilet till real late, got pro at Taptap Revenge 2, played basketball and scored many 3-pointers, durian feast in a durian plantation. Basically, I loved it.

Ghost of Girlfriend's Past yesterday with Tashtljiadion got a little horny(not me) during the movie. I love the show, except during the sad parts Jia would go, "SAD,SAD,SAD!" in my ear. Hahaha. Became cheapskates and stole popcorn from other people, purposely went up to the Korean guy at the shop to get a free pink pen with a fluffy ball on top. Chatted about all our primary school's friends and updates. Probably it'll be December till wel meet again.

I still don't know what I'll wish for.

Meanwhile I'm determined to get higher than 10/30 for heymath.

About ten hours later:

AHAHAHA I GOT 25/30 FOR HEYMATH. HAH WEISZE. Beat you. 'Cept it's not even counted in CA and i got shit for Emath. Ugh. Haha.

Become so numb.

My fingers are super numb because I've been playing the guitar like mad. Hahaha. I suck at it! Not really actually. Nothing much to say, lazy to upload photos of birthday party on Sunday. Malaysia on Friday. Going to re-paint my nails bright red now. My supposed sleepover with Stef died. :(

Hold your head up high
You're never wrong
Somewhere in the right you belong
You would rather fight than walk away
What a lonely way to breathe the air
What an unlovely way to say you care
Now we're too far gone for me to save
And I never thought that we'd come to this

Maybe there's beauty in goodbye
There's just no reason left to try
You push me away
Another black day
Let's count up the reasons to cry
Look what you've missed, living like this
Nobody wins

Coordinated bimbos.

You're sickening.

Sprained my neck yesterday while playing Bungee run. Can't even turn my head now. PlayMAX was great! Just came back from Dion's, miss those three women. Miss our (almost) heart-to-heart conversations. I will keep all my letters next time, hahaha. Sathrin bought playboy earrings for us to wear to school. Yay. (:

Everyone, play Restaurant City!

I feel so boring, like there's nothing to talk about. I want to participate in Hair for Hope, except I haven't found a good wig. And I can't find my The Script CD, damn angry at myself. >:(

Shalom.

Going for playMAX later @ St Andrews Cathedral. (:

G.

Lesbian couple(WS and me) + shocked passerby(Den). HAHA.








Hohoho. (:






Sentosa was wykd.
We should do this more often.
<3